How do you get happy?

[Ewan]

I mean, where the hell do you start? People tell me they're not happy. Or that they're happy sometimes but then it just goes. I ask them about their diet - it commonly involves a lot of sugar. I tell them there's nothing like sugar to give you mood swings. I ask them if they exercise regularly. Nope, surprise surprise, they don't. Do they socialise a lot? Not very much - only within their comfort zone.

So where do you even start with people that are like this? I understand it is not my job to 'fix' them or try to tell them what to do with their lives. I usually only say that long-term happiness is something that takes work to obtain but that everybody can do it. I don't exactly get positive responses - low self-esteem, remember? They don't think they can do it, or they're afraid it'll be too much work.

This is based on a conversation with a close personal friend but I have had many conversations such as this with other people and it always seems to turn out the same. Also I'd point out that I'm (quite obviously) not an expert on happiness and I'm not happy all the time but I think I've got my head round how to be happy in myself - unfortunately this doesn't yet translate into being able to help others do the same!

[Jeremy Hanson]

Happiness is a point of view. Everything that makes you, as an individual happy, may not make another person happy.

For everyone, it is going to be a different point of view. It all depends on what makes you happy. One of the things that you will find, is that people often react to happiness, instead of acting towards it.

Someone might not be happy about their weight, or looks, so they will sit down and eat some junk food to feel better, or go drink alcohol or take drugs.

It all depends on your point of view.

[Ewan]

True, true. Thankyou.

[Paladin]

I eat sugar, exercise intermittently, and socialize within my comfort zone, and I am very happy.

Happiness is not something you can get externally, you must find it within yourself.

There is no formula to it it is a choice.

[Ewan]

Very wise words.

[Mateusz Rozynek]

by watching Remi Guillard videos..

[Ewan]

I heartily second that! But what do you do when you have watched them all?

[Daniel]

hate to take the whole... "gym teacher" routine here ^^ but... "stop wanting to be happy and BE happy!" :P i guess for most people all it'd take is a little shift in attitude, and something to dedicate themselves to ^^ there ARE people with real problems out there that might be bringing them down, though a lot of the people i've spoken to are unhappy because things aren't going their way :( which does suck sure, but still ^^ feeling bad helps nothing.
"How do you get happy?" - you be happy :P because the alternative means negative / depression / stress / health conditions both psychological AND physical ^^ taking a positive, constructive approach to a problem is far better a way to deal with something than to wallow in misery and misfortune...
if you don't have, go get ^^
if it doesn't work, try to fix!
if you're not happy, research a little into some of this "Emotional Intelligence" that's been floating around! make "being happy" a personal goal hmm ^^ rather than sitting there clueless + waiting for someone to come along and pick your ass up by saying something magical :P
right down to it ^^ this is all just influence, by reaching out / asking people how to be happy, a person might be sitting in wait of some real motivation to come their way... but why not seek that motivation first-hand is all :) look for influence through research, Psychology perhaps! unbiased reports / concepts on human behaviours / tendencies / emotions... in the hope they better understand the way they feel as individuals, and why, and what they can do about it.

take a look at the things you value most, question what it is that's making you unhappy, what reasons do you have, how can you deal with them... if a person truly wants to be happy ^^ then surely they'll be willing to act on that desire, a battle plan would be a great place to start imo :) evaluating their situation / condition ^^ thought about "how" they're feeling about "what", and "why" it makes them feel that way. what benefits are there in these behavioural tendencies and how might they be improved to better reach that happiness? ^^ when something bad happens, why would you let yourself feel bad because of that thing, does it... change anything for the better? what does it change for the worse?? ^^ does feeling bad still sound like a good idea? being more conscious of your feelings / emotions, and altering then in a way that benefits you ^^

there's no use in being unhappy, yet doing nothing about it... this would be a good time for the Krishnamurti vid Goog!! <3

focusing on positive ^^ rather than negative = eyebrws
I'll make it my goal to achieve this :) > I haven't achieved this :(
action action action! ^^
(my thoughts have been a little... "all over the place" in this post! (as per usual? ^^) :P trying for a long shot, but here's hoping that helped? ^^)

"Happiness is a point of view"
completely agree with that btw :) Happiness depends quite highly on a person's perception of the world around them, it's the perception you'd be looking to change ^^ not so much the world (though that might help too :D), as... the control you can have over your self, can be far higher than that of everything else ^^ leaving your emotional stability in the hands of the world would be silly, non? <3 "shit happens" hmm

[Ewan]

I actually braved your terrible typing and formatting, read your post and it was very good! More people should have your enthusiasm. I have it too, and am very glad and proud of myself for it, but it's unfortunately not something everyone has.

I think I will try to focus on my own short and long-term happiness for now and hope that I can encourage others to do the same by my example.

Thanks for your post :)

[Daniel]

terrible formatting :P haha.... yeeeeah ^^ my fingers just spew out whatever my brain tells them to ;) i guess with a little suffering, it gets the message across eventually

good luck with the happiness stuff!

[Graydon Walker]

The only sort of "universal" happy maker that I can think of is good health. Find me a person that is unhappy about being healthy and fit. I don't think it can be done. Unfortunately most people resist the steps that it takes to ensure that they are healthy and fit, not because the steps themselves will cause them to be unhappy, but more because they are too lazy to do the work and they don't see immediate results. There isn't much that can be done about this for most people, because everyone needs their own personal motivation to do those things. Outside that, yeah, happiness is a personal thing, it's up to each individual to find their own happiness in their life, and the people that aren't willing to put any effort into attaining it will probably not find any long-term happiness.

[Ewan]

Very true. That's why I mentioned healthy food, exercise and socialisation (for me, socialisation is key to mental wellbeing and I think that's true for many people). Thankyou.

[Reese Leysen]

Haha, love this discussion, great replies all round... Obviously this is a very deep topic but I wanna add a realization I came to recently that changed a lot for me. It may seem silly but here goes.

Even though I have worked on and done research into self-development for so many years in order to be the happiest and most inspiring person I can be, I still regularly experienced the type of mood swings where I'd be a lot less productive and a lot less upbeat than I normally am. I found out that more than 90% of this was caused by having less-than-optimal sleeping patterns! As soon as I started to treat my sleep as something extremely important and started to respect the amount of sleep I need every night, I started to be my own 'super upbeat productive' self on a much more consistent level!