My achievement

[Santa K.]

Today I had such an achievement, I went to complete strangers and asked, if they wanted to get acquainted. Of course, they agreed. But they weren't really trying too hard to pull me out of my uncomfortable state, I felt more like I was the one who was trying to pull them out. Besides it seemed a bit that they were scared of me. I think that most people would feel more uncomfortable if they were approached not approaching. This possibility hadn't come to my mind, before I tried this, but if I think about it - people in my country are quite reserved and distant. I know that junkies and alcocholics are easy to approach, but "normal" people - they really would feel kinda scared and be suspicious (people in my country distrust others and are dubious about their motifs). On the other hand, I don't really feel that "normal" people are my kind of people. I suspect that I have a tendency to startle people with the way I talk, because I'm very open and frank and talk about topics which some people might find unacceptable. But the thing is, that these topics are the ones that are most interesting for me. I hate talking about the usual stuff.

And the other thing - I'm a girl and many people find me very attracitve, besides I have a slutty way of dressing. It seems that if I start talking to a guy, he thinks I wanna fuck with him. It annoys me, this very big possibility that somebody's talking to me just because he wants to fuck.

[Santa K.]

I already said, that on drugs I learned that it is not so scary to communicate, but I learn from it also when I'm sober. I used to have many complexes and drugs helped me to get rid of them, I started talking russian on dxm (I knew russian all the time, but was ashamed to talk), started singing when playing guitar on amphetamine. And now I can do all that without drugs. The thing is, they give you the taste of what you can have. I can honestly say "thank you" to drugs, but that doesn't mean that I abuse them. I use drugs once or twice a week, and have always been against daily use.

And the slutty dressing is accompanied by tattoos and piercings, and I used to have a mohawk too, so it's not like nearly everybody looking for sex is going to approach me. And actually, people rarely start talking to me on the street. But all the friends I have, have been first to approach me. I mentioned all this sex thing not because it's such a big deal for me, but I have had some people think that I want more from them, while I was just sincerely interested in their personality. And I don't even think it was because of looks - one friend told me, that when we first met, he thought that I wanted more than friendship, 'cause he had never seen a girl having such interest in his personality.

[Vinay]

I have just one question.. would you let your daughter dress that way?

[Santa K.]

Yes. My mom used to mind the way I dress, but after all - she can't deny that I look good.

[Adela]

"My mom used to mind the way I dress"

she's probably desensatized to the way you dress now, doesn't mean shes less dissappointed!

[Santa K.]

She used to mind many things that I do, all my tattoos, my piercings, my wish to be a designer. Now I study philosophy at high school, years ago she would also mind that. But parents are also people, and they need to learn to accept their kids' personality just like everybody else does. Nobody should sacrifice their happiness for others, especially when the reason why others don't understand their way of life because of stereotypes and oldfashioned ways of thinking. I love my mother, but I wouldn't want to lead her way of life, I don't want normal life, it wouldn't make me happy. Parents should wish their cildren happiness, not a way of life that seems acceptable to them. I wish that others would be happy the way they want to be.

[Santa K.]

And actually, I see nothing bad in using something or drinking at the start when you're learning to socialize. It's like baby learning to walk and who needs support from his parents' at the beginning. Of course it is cooler, if you do it by yourself, but not everybody can do that. But I realize the risk, that there are people, who will not be able to learn to do it sober after doing it on drugs. And I realize that I'm really lucky to have such a personality that isn't prone to addiction and that doesn't look for the easiest way possible, but I know people who are like that. I propably just want to say - if you are using something, try and take all you can from it. Because there are really things you can learn that way. Not everybody's mind works that way, though, many people don't realize how much there is. It's not even about drugs, it's about the whole life. There are opportunities everywhere.

[Peter]

>And now I can do all that without drugs. The thing is, they give you the taste of what you can have.

Nicely said, I and lot of my friends would say the same!

I disagree with some opinions of other people posted on drugs, saying that what you do on drugs isnt you, or on the other day, you are same (lame) person like before. Drugs can not do nothing on their own, it is always YOU doing things, so, If you drop some conventions or get new ideas, and you actually start to do something new (and interesting), you can continue without drugs, just like you said.

Using alcohol (for example) like social lubricant, just to 'get things moving' isnt that bad, and it really helps, bud it is unwise if you do not realize, that you can do the same without drinking. I saw lot of people pretending they are drunk (i know, it is lame), but even this works pretty good, if people around think, that someone is drunk, they are more open.

[Samee Latif]

I think its because being under the influence gives people something to hide behind, at least it does for me, if people think im drunk then they are not expecting me to behave normally and be conserved, and so i dont find myself attempting to fit in because its like i dont have to.

Now once ive done this i can either end up depending on being under the influence for every social situation or i can use it as a tool to shatter my social anxiety permanently. At the end of the day i know at the start that it is all down to me and i am capable of doing it without drugs and i have done it since without drugs, however if im using the drugs responsibly i honestly believe it is not a bad thing at all.

Personally i find it shocking and slightly offensive how much responsible drug use is brutalized and made out to be so much that it is not under the spotlight of the media.

[tommy]

If your intentions are PURELY trying to get rid of your anxiety, then i would say its probably not the best idea. My point being, yes you will go out tonight because your inhibitions are lowered. But the next day, i don't think you will be less nervous just because you talked to someone yesterday. Obviously this is where our opinions differ, and if it works for you then thats good. I would not suggest this to anyone else though. In my mind, i would see someone taking drugs to talk to someone, then the next day they feel all nervous again. So they take drugs again to get in the talkative mood. Thats not healthy. The core problem is still there.

But if drugs act like your, social training wheels, then awesome. Glad you have that tool available to you. Im just saying for people that may be reading this, and thinking to themselves that using drugs to socialize is a good idea.

[Santa K.]

I don't know if when using word "you", you're talking about me, but I already mentioned that that's not the main reason I take drugs. But I would understand somebody being so sick of his unability to talk to people, that he would do it. I know a lot of junkies, but no one seems to be taking drugs for that reason. They're already very sociable the way they are.

[Roko]

What is it that you do, that makes you approachable? I was just wondering this because there are some people who people never approach and then there are people who always get approached. Its pretty obvious what you need to do to become unapproachable, but what you need to do to be approachable is a little more abstruse. Like they say "Doing the wrong thing is easy, and doing the right thing is hard."

[Santa K.]

I don't always get approached, but the best friends I have - they approached me, 'cause they liked me, some of them fell in love, with some I had sex. With some I fell in love. And I know most of the people I know, 'cause we drank together, and when people drink, everything's easy. I come from a subculture, where people know each other basically 'cause there are places where everyone drinks or uses drugs. Of course school is another place where you can get to know people, just because you need to.