You are not your past

[Dean Leysen]

Most of us did not choose our identity. We did not choose the image we have of ourselves. Most of us did not even choose the level of self-respect and self esteem that we currently have. All of these choices have been made for us by our past experiences. A guy who was really popular all the way through high school will naturally feel more confident than a guy who was picked on. And if you look at it at the end of the day, in most cases it's completely irrational.

Who we think we are and the identities that our pasts impose on us are almost never a clear indication of our potential, yet it usually stunts our growth and holds us back tremendously. I'm going to take myself here as example, cause I actually have a good one from my own experiences. Believe it or not I was the kind of guy who had the toughest time getting a girlfriend in high school. For a period of time I couldn't get a girlfriend to save my life. I faced rejection, lost female friends this way, the whole nine yards. The effect this had on my personality was that at the age of about 16 I was convinced that I was unattractive to the opposite sex, plain and simple, because all my past experiences backed that up.

We tend to use our past experiences as data for our "identity survey" if you will. If you've never had a serious relationship before, and you've mainly dealt with rejection in the past when it came to women, as a guy, you will feel unattractive to women. It will become part of your identity. And in about 90% of all cases this is completely absurd. For every guy you know that thinks he's unattractive to the opposite sex, there's an uglier guy with a great girlfriend. And I'm just taking attraction and relationships as an example because I've been there, but it goes for pretty much anything.
In fact, the most important example is succeeding at things in general. If you have never committed yourself to a long-term goal before and stuck with it, or if you've failed at most or all of your past engagements, your mind will feel like it has no reason to think it can succeed. You read a book on how to better yourself and become a stronger, happier person? Your mind says no, you can't do that, because the past experiences survey says you can't.

This kind of thinking is extremely, extremely common, and it's extremely counter-productive and frankly it's plain ridiculous. If you're David Beckham, and you talk to 100 women on the street and ask them if you're good looking, and they happen to all be having a bad day, they might all say no. Most things in your past are completely arbitrary, they're pretty much random, and to let them decide how you see yourself or even what you should be capable of, is ludicrous. So if anyone here has this problem, think about this. Know that you can reprogram yourself, do not listen to that retarded part of your brain that keeps tying you to past failures and experiences, cause that is not you. It never is. You are who you decide to be.

You're not your fucking past, you're not your khakis. If anything, you are the fucking revolution, guys.

[Dean]

you're not your khakis
fightclub, nice. gonna watch that again now

[Justin Baker]

Meh, ive seen fight club but dont remember that line. What part was it from again?

[Dean]

its the scene right after Tyler holds the convenient store attendant hostage
You are not your job
You're not how much money you have in the bank
Your not the car you drive
You are not the contents of your wallet
You're not your fuckin khakis
You're the all seeing all dancing crap of the world.
1:21:00 about

[Hombre]

ya, I think i was like that, but after watching almost 80 athene videos and IPower, and Tania tips, Furious pick up tips, i don't think I have this problem anymore

everything is just easy-mode, i mean eeeeeeeaaasy mode !!!

[Hombre]

MMMMMMMMM mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMerciless Gladiator !!!!!!

[Mercy]

I think that, like a disease, it sort of sneaks up on you. Before you realize it, you allow your past to define who you are now.

This seems to be a problem for most people. Personally, I've been prey to that feeling also, but I've learned to forget about the mistakes I've done in the past and focus on getting through the mistakes I've been making and learning from them.

Not only the mistakes, but the triumphs because I wouldn't want that to define me either as the person I am now. Just because I've done something in the past that was great and positive, doesn't mean that will define the rest of my future, right?

Anyway, thanks for the food for thought.

[Dean Leysen]

Yeah definitely, it's a very subconscious thing that seems to make perfect sense in your head until you actually think about it. :)

Your brain processes all of the things you've been through, and sort of puzzles together your identity with those pieces if you will, neglecting the fact that those pieces are for the most part absolutely random.

[empheta]

hmm damn you're totally right i mean that has always been there right under our own nose right but still it's never been like said like this i've never heard anyone talk about it like that eventhough it was so obvious it's never really been explained to the extend of different angles hmm thanks dean :D !
i've been a prey to this also witrhout really realizing this is so pathetic hmmm

we should make our own fuckin revolution ^^ ipower members are more then smart enough for this :) or simply in other words intelligent i think this is a reallly awesome post :o

[Dean Leysen]

Thanks man! And yeah, I think everyone is a victim of this at least to some extent, but on the other hand I'm also sure that everyone has the power to choose not to be, as long as they're consciously aware of this stuff and don't let it influence them.

[GeorgeBrooks]

Yeah, I think almost everyone is like that at some stage including myself. Thanks for the infomation

[Hiba]

Dean, what u say I completely agree with you.
However I believe that what has shaped your past will, even if its a fraction, shape your future. The difficult thing is how to convince yourself and change the way you see yourself. Those many years of being convinced your something, that actually you may not be, has programmed your brain to think that way. Everyone is influenced by their peers from an early age, and at an early age, science has proven, that you tend to pick up stuff - and are in fact influenced - more than when your adults. This will influence you and mould you into what you are today. To change your thoughts, and the way you look on stuff, you have to reprograme your brain to think differently. The question people ask is how ? And how long will it take till I am satisfied with myself?
The simplest solution is talk to your brain - your own self! Talk POSITIVE and DON'T BE NEGATIVE!! Its not impossible but it doesnt happen over-night either.

[Dean Leysen]

I guess there are many ways to reprogram your mind so to speak, and I'm definitely not an expert but the way I personally did it was just through rational, logical thinking. Cause if you think about it, a lot of the assumptions we have about ourselves due to our past are completely illogical.

Take the example of not being able to get a girlfriend in high school. If I just took a good look around and noticed guys who were less good looking, or less socially able than me having nice girlfriends, the idea that I was somehow unattractive to the opposite sex automatically becomes ludicrous.

Especially now, now that I've changed so drastically over the last couple of years, I am my own living proof that people have control over their identities, their personalities and their lives. If I fail at something now or I have a setback, it's no big deal. It's absolutely not a big deal. It is what it is, but it never determines what's to come. Only I determine that.