the official ☮doc_haynes☮ ipower page

What Is Your Name:

doc_haynes

What Color Are Your Eyes:

Green

What Color Is Your Hair:

Brown (oh yeah, and a bunch of grey hairs too)

How Tall Are You:

6 foot in the morning a little less by night time.

When Is Your Birthday:

Dec. 20th 1964 So get me a present this year ya cheap fuck!

What Is Your Current Location:

At my computer taking a stupid survey

Where Were You Born:

On a planet that you probably couldn't pronounce the name of anyway.

Right Handed or Left Handed:

Right handed but I type one-handed with my left.

The Shoes You Wore Today:

Don't smell so good now.

Your Weakness:

Beautiful Women in bikinis with Kryptonite.

Your Favorite Pizza:

Will probably be cold when it gets to me.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:

Winning the Nobel Peace Prize or maybe being part of a heist.

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:

Hello! Is this thing working?

Thoughts When First Waking Up:

Oops, better wash those sheets again.

Your Best Physical Feature:

My mind, then my butt (which some people say is were my mind is).

Your Bedtime:

Now that I have the internet I don't sleep anymore.

Your Most Missed Memory:

I forget.

Pepsi or Coke:

Will dissolve a penny.

MacDonald's or Burger King:

Should deliver cheeseburgers to my house.

Single or Group Dates:

Single dates group sex.

Your Biggest Fear:

Running out of funny things to say on this survey.

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:

Whatever they are serving at the Methadone clinic.

Chocolate or Vanilla:

What kind of racist question is that?

Cappuccino or Coffee:

I am a man so I don't think this question applies to me. I don't think men drink Cappuccino do they?

Do you Swear:

No fucking way bitch.

Do you Sing:

Yes-to annoy people on airplanes.

Have you Been in Love:

Every time I look at myself in the mirror.

Do you want to go to College or Trade School:

Been there.

Do you want to get Married:

Done that.

Do you believe in yourself:

Yes, but then I also believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny.

Do you get Motion Sickness:

Only when I am in space.

Do you think you are Attractive:

C'mon you saw the picture of me what do you think?

Are you a Health Nut:

If you leave out the Health part.

Do you get along with your Parents:

My parents are dead so I don't really argue with them as much now.

Do you like Thunderstorms:

Not when I get hit by lightning.

Do you play an Instrument:

I've never called it that but I play with it (C'mon everybody does).

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:

Is that what they are calling it now? That's kind of rude. No not this month.

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:

I only ate the box not the Oreos. I used the Oreos as dragon bait.

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:

I've been too drunk to tell.

In the past month have you Smoked:

Cigarettes = yes, Pot = YES, Crack = no, Some Fool = yes?

In the past month have you been on Drugs:

Does huffing gasoline count as a drug?

In the past month have you gone on a Date:

Well I was stalking this cheerleader on Tuesday but I wouldn't really call that a date.

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:

Can't really stalk a cheerleader very well without going to the mall now can you Sherlock?

In the past month have you been on Stage:

Yes on the Oregon trail to Carson City

In the past month have you been Dumped:

No, but I've been dumped ON.

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:

Look friend, I live in Ohio and it is Winter and it is cold as fuck out there and I am a man and there is a thing called shrinkage, so hell no and hell no.

In the past month have you Stolen Anything:

Does hacking into pornography sites count as stealing? Then no.

In the past month have you had a mind-blowing Orgasm:

I'm Having one now.

Ever been Hung Over:

Never stopped drinking long enough.

Ever been called a Tease:

Once by Paris Hilton and once by the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Ever been Beaten up:

Only as foreplay.

Ever Shoplifted:

No because shops are too heavy for me to lift.

How do you want to Die:

How does every middle aged man want to die? Of an orgasm while doing a girl half his age of course.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:

I don't want to grow up.

What country would you most like to Visit:

Compton

Number of Piercings:

That's is not a piercing it is a birth defect and I am very shy about it.

Scruff or Clean Shaven:

In between. Just a little patch. Oh, do you mean on me?

Number of Tattoos:

None but I do draw on myself a lot.

Your Biggest Regret:

Not winning the 1982 presidential election.

Worst Question To Ask:

Do you want to take a survey?

What Makes You Laugh the Most:

Funny shit.

What Makes You Smile:

The muscles in my face.

What Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them:

My grandma's underwear.

Do You Ever Save AIM Conversations:

All of them. Actually I save everything that goes through my network. Just like MySpace, Google, Yahoo, AOL and MSN do. They have a copy, I have a copy.

Do You Ever Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex:

So that I could have cramps and PMS and worry about being fat and be respected less and do more work and get less pay? Sounds great were do I sign up.

Have you Ever Fallen For Your Best Friend:

Yeah but it didn't last long. We were both drunk and it just kind of happened. You know how it goes. But he was already taken and his wife was my friend and all that.

Done Something You Regretted:

You mean besides falling for my best friend?

Do You Have Friends You've Lost Touch With:

How long are you gonna keep harping on me about the best friend thing? Look it was a long time ago and it is over now. Besides we were drunk! Can we please change the subject now?.

Do You Ever Get Off The Computer:

When I look at porn I get off.

Do You Habla Espanol:

Sé hablar sí muchas idiomas. Goce por favor de este examen pero no lo tome seriamente. Estas respuestas son una broma.

Do You Sprechen Sie Deutsches:

Ja kann ich viele Sprachen sprechen. Genießen Sie bitte, diese Übersicht aber nehmen Sie sie nicht ernst. Diese Antworten sind ein Witz.

Parlez-vous Français:

Oui je peux parler beaucoup de langues. Veuillez apprécier cet aperçu mais ne le prenez pas sérieusement. Ces réponses sont une plaisanterie.

Parlate Italiano:

Sì posso parlare molte lingue. Goda prego questa indagine ma nonla prenda seriamente. Queste risposte sono uno scherzo.

Could You Live Without The Computer:

I could live without it yes. Life would just no longer be enjoyable.

What Hurts The Most? Physical Pain Or Emotional Pain:

Come here and let me kick you in the nads while telling you that you are worthless. Then you tell me which hurts more. Mkay?

What's Your Favorite Candy:

The candy that strangers have, It is the best.

What's Your Favorite Fruit:

Andy Dick

Do You Trust Others Way Too Easily:

I did when it said this survey would only take a minute.

Do You Feel Happy:

If you mean Mr. Happy then lately I'm the only one that has been feeling it.

Have You Ever Lied:

Only on most of these answers....

In a Girl..

Favorite Eye Color:

Girls have eyes?

Favorite Hair Color:

Don't really care so long as she has hair.

Short or Long Hair:

See previous answer.

What Do You Notice First:

Depends on which way she is facing.

Height:

Midgets are pretty hot.

Weight:

Absolutely no-one over 1700 lbs.

Best Clothing Style:

Naked.